the condom got lost in my hair
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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