So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
