her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you would pick up someone in the library
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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