It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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