I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
