So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
