What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She's the barista slut.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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