do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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