I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
