I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
