Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Damn victory sex feels great
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
