It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
