she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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