my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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