Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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