Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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