Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She bit a glass in half.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
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He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there