She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot