what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
