farters have to be the big spoon...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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