also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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