How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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