yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
