I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize