Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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