Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
