just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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