i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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