You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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