Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Holy shit dude........stairs
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
