YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize