I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
