Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
