Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
