He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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