i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
