nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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