it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
