Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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