She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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