remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
