I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
