I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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