you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
