The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
