Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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