i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
