You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
