I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
