I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
