I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
