I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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