did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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