My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
