That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
