My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
