I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
