How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
