he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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