One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
