is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
