well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Who died my cat blue again?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
