is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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