the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
