I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize