Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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