Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
