Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
thus making me awesome and them whores
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
