Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
