Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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