I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm passing your future prison.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
