well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
