she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
