where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm lost and stupid without you.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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