Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
